Friday, February 5, 2010

Girlfriends Say Goodbye To Football

ANNIE (girlfriend of Ramsey): "This was my first football season with Ramsey.  I didn't know what to expect.  I think it was worse than I prepared for!"

MORGAN (fiancé of Chad): "I remember when I thought it was so cute how Chad and all his friends played this fantasy football game together.  How nice!  What great bonding time!  It went downhill quickly."

ANNIE: "I'd try to be a good girlfriend and go to the bar with him to watch the game.  To my surprise, going to watch the game at a bar with Ramsey is like going to the bar by yourself.  He doesn't talk at all -- just complains about the Bears."

LINDSEY (my girlfriend): "Football is always on.  If it's not a game, it's a report about the last game.  Or the next game.  It's always something."

MORGAN: "I have this vision of Chad sitting on the couch in his underwear at 7:30 on a Wednesday morning with his laptop -- something about trades needing to be in by 9.  I won't miss that."

ANNIE: "Another time I went to the bar with him for eight hours to watch the Steelers play the Bears.  We had to show up at noon for a 4:00 game, because we had to "get a good seat".  I won't make that mistake again."

LINDSEY: "The obsessive score checking.  If you tear your boyfriend away for some very important event -- a life event, or a major disaster (because those are the only things that would be worth your boyfriend missing the game for), he obsessively checks scores the entire time."

ORIT (wife of Scott, and 9 months pregnant with their first child): "Football season -- and the Giants in particular -- bring Scott so much joy, and I'm supportive of anything that makes him happy.  But my due date is very close to the Super Bowl this year, and if the Giants were still in it, I think he might stay home and watch the game."  (It would be on at the hospital, Scott assured her.)

ALLI (wife of Jason): "I love football as much as anyone, but it's too aggressive sometimes.  Why do they always have to zoom in on the loser?  Hasn't he suffered enough?"

KARA (wife of Karl): "My husband's allowed to watch all the football he wants, as long as he irons while he does it.  Does this mean I have to start ironing again?"

MICHELLE (girlfriend of Devin): "I'm excited!  I get to watch The Bachelor on the big TV instead of the little TV on Mondays."

CARLY (girlfriend of Frank): "I'm excited Sundays are now viable alternatives for Frank and I to do things together."

MICHELLE: "I'm also looking forward to Devin being sober on Sundays."

KRISTEN (girlfriend of James): "I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl!  I couldn't tell you who was in it the last five years, but I can tell you who won our office pool and which bar we went to!"

MICHELLE: "He usually just stumbles in, eats a lot, and goes to bed."

BECCA (wife of Steven): "What am I most happy about?  I'm most happy FANTASY football is almost over!"

(Apparently Becca hated it so much she didn't realize fantasy football is over, and has been for quite some time.  Though some would beg to differ...)

MORGAN: "This is a bit of a trick question, because we all know fantasy football NEVER ENDS.  I witnessed my first fantasy 'practice draft' this summer.  Eight boys of all ages shouting out names of people I've never heard of, without missing a beat."

LINDSEY: "It's grown men debating heatedly about players as if they're friends with them.  It's mock drafts (the correct term, well done Linds) that have no purpose and no end.  It's the reality that you have no idea who everyone's talking about and you just want them to stop for five minutes, but they never do."

MORGAN: "It was clear these boys had been doing this with each other -- and possibly alone in their rooms -- for quite some time."

LINDSEY: "I'm not exaggerating.  If I try to change the subject, Matt's brother Robby literally interrupts and says, "Wait, why aren't we talking about fantasy?"

BECCA: "There's definitely things I'll miss, though.  I might not know all the fancy plays and rules, but there's nothing better than tailgating, playing flip cup, cheering on your team, and watching cute boys in tight pants running around the field."

ALLI: "I don't think I'm the only girl that will say Football Sundays are my favorite time to "cook".  Chips, salsa, cheese balls, little weiners all wrapped up in blankets.  It's beautiful."

LINDSEY: "Even the smallest amount of interest from you in any of the games, any of the teams, or any of the players, makes your boyfriend beyond happy.  I like that part of it.

ALLI: "I'm excited to see the Chiefs turn it around next year.  They had a terrible season, but I think they're ready to turn the page."

MORGAN: "Chad and I are spending three weeks after our wedding traveling between Fiji, New Zealand, and Australia.  During this time, I'll experience some of the greatest moments of my life.  But the moment I'm most looking forward to is when we're lying on the beach in Fiji, or standing on a glacier in New Zealand, and Chad suddenly freezes, freaking out about who Robby Herman will start for his fantasy team that weekend.  And I'll take further delight in watching him, paralyzed with confusion by the time zones, struggling to figure what day and time it is in the U.S., and if it's too late to make that Wednesday morning trade.

"I can't wait for next football season."

Super Bowl Pick

Indianapolis (-5) vs. New Orleans (Sun. 6:25 ET).  All I wanted was a split last week, so I could have a shot at a winning record.  But like Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson, it wasn't meant to be.

Last Round: 0-2
Record to Date: 41-43-3