Saturday, January 29, 2011

FVG Blog Review: The Kingsbury Factor

It's not easy being a white shooter in Division I college basketball. You're (relatively) short, weak, slow, and unathletic, and while the other players use a whole arsenal of weapons to win basketball games, you just keep shooting. It's all you've got.

Literally the only picture of CK on the internet
But there's also something lovable about the white shooter. And now, he finally has his day in the sun. Because after years of talking about it, my good friend Kevin Alexander has finally created the first ever blog devoted to "the short(ish) white dude who can shoot the trey".

It's called The Kingsbury Factor, after Chris Kingsbury (pictured), his favorite white shooter from growing up (or at least the most random one). If you've never heard of him, you've hit on the reason the blog bears his namesake: Chris couldn't do anything except shoot, so he never amounted to anything. TKF does bi-weekly rankings of the top-20 white shooters in Division I, and players seem to get points not just for their ability to shoot the three, but for their inability to do anything else. Kevin knows there's a million places we can read about Kobe, LeBron, and players who do everything well. No one needs to hear more about them. TKF is more of a blog about hope -- for the guys who can only do one thing. But maybe, if they do that one thing really, really well, they can succeed anyway.

But probably not.

Now, I know what you're saying, girlfriends. This blog sounds funny, and smart in its focus, but what's in it for me? Plenty. Not a paragraph goes by without a pop culture reference, link to an early-nineties music video, reference to a player's handsomeness, or some combination of the three. Much as I like to think FVG does, TKF includes everyone in the narrative. Everyone gets to have fun.

With football season about to end, and the rest of us starting to watch more and more college hoops, hopefully The Kingsbury Factor will cause us all to appreciate the sport in a whole new way. I know it will for me. And while we're on the subject, I want to give a shout-out to my favorite white shooter of all-time: Someone who might not ever crack The Kingsbury Factor's top 20, but will always be my #1........


Lindsey Mongrain, Grace HS Lady Eagles 

So please, check out The Kingsbury Factor. If you like this blog, I really think you'll like that one. And if you want bonus coverage of Lindsey's sister Kristen playing 4th grade basketball, please contact me or her mother directly.

(J/K, Kristen!!!!)

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Halftime Walk

Mason (or a dog that looks like him, at least)
The last time the this year's AFC finalists (Steelers and Jets) played each other, I took my roommate's dog Mason out for a walk at halftime. As he excitedly ran around the block sniffing, eating dirt, and peeing on things, we ran into one of our neighbors walking his dog at the same time. He recognized Mason, but not me. I'm still relatively new to the area.

As our two dogs played together and sniffed each other's buttholes, we smiled cordially at each other and waited. A few more seconds passed, and he sensed my impatience and broke the silence.

"Halftime walk?"

I love dogs. Everything about them. I love the way their tails wag when they see you. I love how they love other dogs. I love how they stare at your dinner while you eat it. I love how they shake themselves off when they get wet. I love how they chew your flip-flops until they don't flop anymore.

Most of all, whether they like it or not, I love that they wait until halftime. What a concept. Can you imagine saying to your girlfriend, "Babe, I really want to hear about your problems with work today, but can it wait until halftime? And by the way, it has to stop after 15 minutes, or maybe less if the Beastie Boys are playing." It wouldn't happen. Nor should it. This is 2011, after all. When President Obama gives his State of The Union next week, I highly doubt they'll be anything in there about the need to pass a Halftime Complaining Act. It just wouldn't get the votes.

But until dogs become better represented in Congress, well, they'll just have to keep waiting.


Championship Weekend Picks

Bears (+3.5) vs. Packers (Sun, 3:00 ET). Speaking of dogs, I was NOT expecting Chicago to be getting points at home, let alone this many. I'll take 'em.

Steelers (-3.5) vs. Jets (Sun, 6:30 ET). The Jets' eerie silence this week concerns me, and I see Pittsburgh getting at least one huge controversial call from the refs. It's happened all freaking year.

Last Week: 3-1
Season: 47-48-4  

Thursday, January 13, 2011

How to Save Football

OPEN ON A PACK OF YOUNG MEN SCAMPERING DOWN A CITY STREET ON A BREEZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON. THEY'VE POPPED THEIR HEADS INTO THEIR 16 BARS IN THE PAST 20 MINUTES, BUT NONE OF THEM ARE SHOWING ANY NFL GAMES. THEY CHECK THEIR PHONES FOR FANTASY UPDATES, BUT THE PHONES DON'T SHOW ANY SCORES EITHER. THEY HARASS ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO PASSES BY, DESPERATE FOR ANSWERS. ONE WOMAN CALLS THE COPS, WHO RESPOND TO THE SCENE AND UNNECESSARILY TAZE ONE OF THE YOUNG MEN. IT'S LIKE THE LIAM NEESON MOVIE THAT ISN'T OUT YET WHERE EVERYBODY ACTS LIKE HE DOESN'T EXIST, AND LIKE HE NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IT'S LIKE THE NFL JUST...DISAPPEARED.

It's our girlfriends' wildest dream, and come next summer, there's a chance it becomes reality. Because unless the players and owners can come to a labor agreement -- and right now, the two sides aren't even close -- there will be no NFL next season.

I don't understand the specifics, but I do know the basic problem is -- believe it or not -- there isn't enough money. Despite how much we all think we pour into the league's coffers, the reality is that owners are losing money on their teams, and players aren't being appropriately compensated for the risk they put on their bodies and minds.

I believe there's a simple solution:

Advertise EVERYWHERE.

Yep, those are the...Broncos?
No, this isn't a shameless plug for the industry I work in. This is about saving pro football. And all it asks of us is to get over our antiquated, traditionalist belief that uniforms should be clean. And the best part is, I think we already have.

Have you seen NFL uniforms lately? Every team has eight different ones, all for the sake of selling more jerseys. Some of the uniforms (i.e. New York Titans) bear no resemblance in color to the team wearing them (New York Jets). Until Mark Sanchez throws a trademark interception, we don't even know who we're watching.

And let's face it, as much as we love our football, Europe loves theirs even more. Yet Europeans have no issue at all drenching their club's jerseys with sponsors. If an alien from outer space turned on a European soccer game, they'd think AIG was playing Vodafone in some strange form of telecom-insurance negotiation.

We wouldn't have to worry about "competing sponsorships", or any other logistical nonsense a lawyer reading this could come up with: Europe's given us the blueprint of how this would work. Just copy their model, and watch the dollars roll in.

Stadium names got the ball rolling years ago. Now let's take if further: I'm talking seat backs, end zones, goalposts, urinal cakes, whatever it takes to make the NFL profitable again. Everything's fair game.

Is nothing sacred? Who cares! Seriously, who freaking cares? Nothing sacred is better than nothing.

Unless you're a girlfriend, that is.


Divisional Round Picks

Steelers (-3) vs. Ravens (Sat, 4:30 ET). Should be a great game, and I think home-field is worth more than 3 in the playoffs.

Packers (+2.5) @ Falcons (Sat, 8:00 ET). Boy this one's tough. I reserve the right to flip-flop between now and Saturday.

Seahawks (+10) @ Bears (Sun, 1:00 ET). "Take The Points Sunday, Part I"

Jets (+8.5) @ Patriots (Sun, 4:00 ET). Part II. Way too many points.

Last Week: 2-3-1
Season: 44-47-4 

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Rebuilding Mode Nears Completion

Three years ago today, the general manager of my wardrobe (Me) was relieved of his duties, and a new GM (Lindsey) took over. I retained my duties as head coach.

Since then, a long, gradual overhaul has ensued.

That's Ms. General Manager to you.
She started where she believed any rebuilding process should: jeans. Gap Baggy Fit became Seven Standard Fit. Then looser button-downs were replaced with leaner ones. Sneakers became "casual shoes". Oversized sweaters were tossed and burned. Nothing was safe, not even socks.

It was an uneasy transition at first. There were a few "what the f--- are you trying to do me?" moments. But the coach soon learned to trust the GM, knowing that what she wanted was what's best for him and the team.

It hasn't been easy, but rebuilding never is. After all, you have to change the whole culture of the team. I hardly had any interest in shopping when I was the one making the decisions, let alone when I became essentially a moving mannequin.

She mainly rebuilt through the draft: Christmases and Birthdays. Each new year brought in a talented crop of fresher, trendier clothing. Every time a starting-lineup-worthy shirt entered the roster, the one on the end of the rack got the pink slip.

As head coach, I'm still learning to work with my new personnel. Sometimes I'll mistakenly wear a polo shirt with boots. Or a blazer that isn't in season. Or a Ralph Lauren sweater, ever. One day we'll live together and I'll be stripped of my morning wardrobe choosing duties, too. Can't wait.

And I will say this: Chad, Weissman, and my other clothes-conscious friends don't really make fun of my clothes anymore. And Ramsey (who, like me, has no clue) sometimes does, which is I guess a good thing. I'm at the point now where almost everything I put on is something that was either bought by Lindsey, with Lindsey, or bought by a third-party with Lindsey's approval. It's just a matter of acquiring the final pieces and putting them all together.

And once that happens, look out.


Picks

Arkansas (+3) vs. Ohio State (Tues, 8:30 ET). I don't understand how the five OSU players "promised" to come back next year. Does Jim Tressel really think they won't change their mind?

Saints (-10.5) @ Seahawks (Sat, 4:30 ET). We've never seen a line like this before. A 10.5 road favorite in the playoffs? We've also never seen a team as bad as Seattle make the playoffs, either.

Colts (-2.5) vs. Jets (Sat, 8:00 ET). I know the Jets made a nice playoff run last year, but lightning won't strike twice against Peyton Manning at home.

Ravens (-3) vs. Chiefs (Sun, 1:00 ET). The Ravens beat the Dolphins twice in this exact same scenario (first-round playoff game, three-point road favorite). This year's Chiefs remind me of both those Dolphins teams.

Packers (+2.5) @ Eagles (Sun, 4:00 ET). Not sure Vick's healthy for this game, whether he admits it or not.

Oregon (+3) vs. Auburn (Mon, 8:30 ET). Leaning toward the Ducks at this point, mostly just looking forward to watching.

Last Week: 2-2
Season: 42-44-3