How to Save Football

OPEN ON A PACK OF YOUNG MEN SCAMPERING DOWN A CITY STREET ON A BREEZY SUNDAY AFTERNOON. THEY'VE POPPED THEIR HEADS INTO THEIR 16 BARS IN THE PAST 20 MINUTES, BUT NONE OF THEM ARE SHOWING ANY NFL GAMES. THEY CHECK THEIR PHONES FOR FANTASY UPDATES, BUT THE PHONES DON'T SHOW ANY SCORES EITHER. THEY HARASS ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO PASSES BY, DESPERATE FOR ANSWERS. ONE WOMAN CALLS THE COPS, WHO RESPOND TO THE SCENE AND UNNECESSARILY TAZE ONE OF THE YOUNG MEN. IT'S LIKE THE LIAM NEESON MOVIE THAT ISN'T OUT YET WHERE EVERYBODY ACTS LIKE HE DOESN'T EXIST, AND LIKE HE NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

IT'S LIKE THE NFL JUST...DISAPPEARED.

It's our girlfriends' wildest dream, and come next summer, there's a chance it becomes reality. Because unless the players and owners can come to a labor agreement -- and right now, the two sides aren't even close -- there will be no NFL next season.

I don't understand the specifics, but I do know the basic problem is -- believe it or not -- there isn't enough money. Despite how much we all think we pour into the league's coffers, the reality is that owners are losing money on their teams, and players aren't being appropriately compensated for the risk they put on their bodies and minds.

I believe there's a simple solution:

Advertise EVERYWHERE.

Yep, those are the...Broncos?

No, this isn't a shameless plug for the industry I work in. This is about saving pro football. And all it asks of us is to get over our antiquated, traditionalist belief that uniforms should be clean. And the best part is, I think we already have.

Have you seen NFL uniforms lately? Every team has eight different ones, all for the sake of selling more jerseys. Some of the uniforms (i.e. New York Titans) bear no resemblance in color to the team wearing them (New York Jets). Until Mark Sanchez throws a trademark interception, we don't even know who we're watching.

And let's face it, as much as we love our football, Europe loves theirs even more. Yet Europeans have no issue at all drenching their club's jerseys with sponsors. If an alien from outer space turned on a European soccer game, they'd think AIG was playing Vodafone in some strange form of telecom-insurance negotiation.

We wouldn't have to worry about "competing sponsorships", or any other logistical nonsense a lawyer reading this could come up with: Europe's given us the blueprint of how this would work. Just copy their model, and watch the dollars roll in.

Stadium names got the ball rolling years ago. Now let's take if further: I'm talking seat backs, end zones, goalposts, urinal cakes, whatever it takes to make the NFL profitable again. Everything's fair game.

Is nothing sacred? Who cares! Seriously, who freaking cares? Nothing sacred is better than nothing.

Unless you're a girlfriend, that is.


Divisional Round Picks

Steelers (-3) vs. Ravens (Sat, 4:30 ET). Should be a great game, and I think home-field is worth more than 3 in the playoffs.

Packers (+2.5) @ Falcons (Sat, 8:00 ET). Boy this one's tough. I reserve the right to flip-flop between now and Saturday.

Seahawks (+10) @ Bears (Sun, 1:00 ET). "Take The Points Sunday, Part I"

Jets (+8.5) @ Patriots (Sun, 4:00 ET). Part II. Way too many points.

Last Week: 2-3-1
Season: 44-47-4