Friday, November 12, 2010

Moving Night (not to be confused with Movie Night)

Lindsey called me on Wednesday from work, and I immediately sensed hesitation in her voice.

LINDS: "So, I'm helping Elizabeth move tonight..."
ME:       "OK"
LINDS: "...And I volunteered you to help too."

I wasn't the least bit upset. We were hanging out Wednesday night anyway, and as I've said many times, what we do on a QTN is up to her.

If she wants to pack boxes, just tell me how high.

Having moved myself into a new place two months ago, I'm now keenly aware of the differences between a male move and a female move. Here are a few:

-Women KEEP everything. Men don't have separation anxiety like women do. They'd rather move 800 boxes today than be without their Wonder Woman costume four Halloweens from now.

-Especially SHOES. I have a fascination with women's fascination with shoes. There were two other girls helping Elizabeth pack up her 50-60 pairs, and both of them immediately knew which ones were "sooo cute", and which ones could be thrown out because she only wore them once to a wedding. I felt like the little boy pointing at the naked emperor. What are you all seeing that I don't see? They all look exactly the same!!!!

-Women aren't dogs, and don't want to be packed with them. It was also obvious to every woman that night that doggy-bed stuff can't go in the same box as people-bed stuff. Seriously? As soon as you get to your new place your dog's going to sleep in your bed and pee on the carpet. Is this really the time to be nit-picking?

-Men might be better than women at opening bottles of wine, but I'm certainly not.

-Men only think about one thing. We were going on our third hour of packing, and I have to admit, I was losing it. I was alone in her bedroom, packing up junk from under Elizabeth's bed that she'd clearly never used (or knew she had), and this terrible Matt and Kim song had become too much to bear. So I got up, grabbed her boyfriend's iPhone from its speaker, and looked for the button to shut it off. But before I could find it, an incoming text message flashed on the screen -- a message that would turn my whole night around. A message that reminded me that whatever might have been happening in my life at that given moment, there was some other man in America thinking the exact same thing:

"Which two should I start? Bowe, Maclin, or Mike Williams (Tampa)?"

Weekend Picks

Idaho (+35.5) vs. Boise St (Fri, 9:00 ET). Can't count out the Vandals in this Potato State Showdown. You know, relatively speaking.

Florida (-6.5) vs. South Carolina (Sat, 7:00 ET). Gators beat their Ole Ball Coach's brains out yet again.

Lions (+3) @ Bills (Sun, 1:00 ET). When you bet against an 0-8 favorite giving points, either they win, or you win. Gotta like those chances, right?

Jets (-3) @ Browns (Sun, 1:00 ET). Mangini might've gotten the best of his old boss, but he's about to get pummeled by his old team.

Bucs (-6.5) vs. Panthers (Sun, 1:00 ET). Part one of teams that still somehow aren't getting enough respect.

Rams (+6) @ 49ers (Sun, 4:00 ET). Part two.

Last Week: 2-4
Season: 26-28-1