Welcome to the Dark Period

After the NBA Finals ends, I watch postgame coverage until way past my bedtime. I'm a sucker for watching them celebrate. They work impossibly hard for this. The least I can do is share their moment with them.

But there's another reason I watch until SportsCenter starts running it on loop, and it's not because I hate the Tony awards. It's because I know that once my TV goes off and my head hits the pillow, The Dark Period begins.

Is he sad because he stinks? Or because he knows Darkness is upon us?

The Dark Period is the two-and-a-half month stretch from the final horn of the NBA Finals to the opening kickoff of college football. And boy is it boring. We're talking baseball, soccer, bullfighting, and golf. We're so deprived, we look forward to the Hot Dog Eating Contest. We explore our other interests and spend more time outside. We, you know, be social.

There can be exceptions. Last year, we had the World Cup. Next year, we'll have the Olympics. The Mets might one day be relevant (they're actually overachieving a bit this...OK fine I'll stop). But it's mostly darkness. Literally. Without live sports, I usually don't even turn on the television.

Lindsey called me shortly after the game ended, and after I gushed about Dallas and Dirk and JET and Mark Cuban, and how LeBron's sad, clueless face showed that all was still right in the world, she asked me if I was sad that basketball was over.

"Very," I said. "It's the Dark Period now."

"I know," she answered. "But it's gonna be OK."

Her tone was oddly genuine, and for a second, my heart filled with hope. Did she know something I didn't? Was she about to surprise me with a trip so amazing I wouldn't even think about sports? Had she solved the NFL labor dispute and convinced them to start a month early?!?! 

"Why is that?" 

"Because while you were watching the game, I was watching Bravo, and saw previews for new seasons of Flipping Out, Platinum Hit, Rocco's Dinner Party, and Real Housewives! There's so much to look forward to!!!"

The wind left my sails, and The Dark Period began.

"Can't wait."