Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Honeymoon Phase

One of the biggest issues a fantasy league faces is finding a night where everyone can draft. The problem our league had was that Kevin was getting married in late-August, and would be on his honeymoon for pretty much the entire drafting period. Short on time and options, I sent Kevin a g-chat and sheepishly asked the unaskable:

Me:       I know I probably shouldn't ask this
Me:       and feel free to immediately shoot it down
Me:       but is there ANY way you can draft from your honeymoon?
Me:       maybe she'll excuse you for a couple hours?
No response for two minutes, then:
Kevin:   dude
Kevin:   come on

Next week, it's Chad's turn to go on his honeymoon, relinquishing control of his fantasy team during a critical three-week juncture of the season. I can promise you no one in this world will feel more out of sorts than Chad without a fantasy team in the middle of football season. But he's doing it, trusting his team to a friend from work.

"You think Beanie Wells is inactive again this week?"
It's become very, very clear to me that the thought of maintaining ties with the football world during your honeymoon is third rail. It's a given that when you take off on that plane for Fiji, Tahiti, or whatever fantastical, once-in-a-lifetime place you're going, you're leaving your other fantasy behind.

But why? I beg you to come up with one good reason why I should have to give up football completely when I go on my honeymoon. In the meantime, I'll give you some reasons why I shouldn't.

You're with her for 2-3 weeks straight with pretty much nothing to do but relax, read, and talk to each other. OK, maybe you go hang gliding or swimming with dolphins one day, but it's a pretty good bet that most of the time will be spent at your luxury hotel lounging by the pool drinking mojitos. So when she pulls out her InStyle or Girl With The Dragon Tattoo book, are you really expected to counter with the latest and lamest Dan Brown novel? Sure, maybe ten years ago you didn't have a choice, but that brings me to reason number two...

Internet makes it easy to stay in touch wherever you are. It's true for emailing your parents, and it's true for tweeting Jahvid Best and asking about his turf toe. You don't even have to watch the games: Just look at the stats, do a little research, and add/drop as needed. Your luxury hotel will have WiFi, so you can do this all right from the pool. If necessary, point the screen away from her and tell her you're researching dinner options.

This question just in: Isn't this 50% my honeymoon, too? Shouldn't I get to do at least a little bit of what I want?? I'll have just spent the last 8-12 months at her beck and call doing whatever she needs for the wedding, no questions asked, because the wedding is all about her. I get that. But the honeymoon? That's my dream vacation just as much as it is hers. And for me, a dream vacation includes at least the minimal amount of time it takes to maintain a fantasy football edge.

My friend Scott had a long-term relationship years before I did, and when I'd tease him about some of the ridiculous things his girlfriend (now wife) made him do, he'd smile and say: "One day you'll understand."

To this point, he's been right on about everything. I guess one day I'll understand.

Weekend Picks
Games of the year in the Big 12, SEC, and Pac-10 on Saturday...and I'll be missing all of them.

Oklahoma (-3.5) vs. Texas (Sat, 3:30 ET). If I keep picking it, one day, it'll happen.

Alabama (-8) vs. Florida (Sat, 8:00 ET). Unfortunately for Greg, who's going to this game (and not to mention the Gators), I think this game ends up looking better on paper than it will in real life.

Stanford (+7) @ Oregon (Sat, 8:00 ET). Ducks' offense has been unstoppable, but Stanford quietly keeps racking up quality wins.

Browns (+3) vs. Bengals (Sun, 1:00 ET). Cleveland's 0-3, but they've played good teams and look ready to break through.

Bears (+4) @ Giants (Sun, 8:20 ET). Bears D looks to have that swagger back. G-Men look like they're ready to quit.

Dolphins (+1) @ Patriots (Mon, 8:30 ET). Probably another "homer" pick for me, but I really think Miami's starting to put things together offensively.

Last Week: 4-2
Season: 11-7-1