Until I start getting actual questions from readers, I'm just gonna make them up.
Billy (Pittsburgh, PA): Tonight my girlfriend and I had the perfect QTN. We ate delicious Italian, bought low-fat ice cream on the way home, talked with her roommates for a while, and watched The Hills. Now she's asleep. Can I turn on SportsCenter?
FVG: Thanks for the question, Billy. We know what you're going through. It's hard to go to sleep without checking in. Guys need to say goodnight to sports.
But tread lightly, my imaginary friend. Consider the ramifications if she wakes up. How would it make her feel? You spent the whole night proving she's the center of your universe, not sports. Might this blow the whole thing?
Here's a suggestion: Leave the TV off, and check scores on your phone. Then if she wakes up and sees you, you can say you were writing a work email, or sexting with another girl.
OK, maybe that's not a good idea either.
But whatever, it's not like you're real anyway.
Duke (+13) vs. Georgia Tech (12:00 ET). Yes, I know this isn't basketball. But I also know Duke's better than usual this year.
Stanford (+10.5) @ USC (3:30 ET). I'm in San Francisco this weekend, and will be watching this game at a Stanford bar. And USC's now 2-7 ATS.
Alabama (-12) @ Mississippi St (7:00 ET). I'll roll with the Tide here for a change. I'm not happy about it, though.
Pittsburgh (-6.5) vs. Notre Dame (8:00 ET). Mark May took Pitt, Lou Holtz took ND. Lou Holtz is dumber than Mark May.
Arizona St. (+18) @ Oregon (10:25 ET/7:25 PT). Freakin' Pacific Time. Football's over by 11...
Last Week: 2-3
Record to Date: 18-20-3